< Previous Page

Thanks to Christie, I now know that Tucker Carlson is being let go from Crossfire. Unfortunately they'll probably give him another show.

The room service menu at the London hotel gives you two choices: "Healthy Breakfast" or "English Breakfast." One or the other. Ha ha.

I'm coming home! After I enjoy my Healthy Breakfast--which, as you will remember, is different from an English Breakfast--I'm going to get on the shuttle and head to the airport.

Here is what I learned (or re-learned) on this trip to London, Berlin, Barcelona and Paris, my High School Language Tour of Europe:

1. Nice hotels are the shiz.
2. Leased apartments are also the shiz unless you have food poisoning and could really use a concierge to find out what the Catalan brand name for loperamide is.
3. Europeans will have trouble meeting their Kyoto commitments if they don't stop smoking so much.
4. Parisians are much more accommodating if you at least try to speak their language.
5. Fewer people speak English than you think.
6. Business class flight is also the shiz.
7. Four days is a perfect amount of time to spend in a city to get a feel for it.
8. Ze Swiss, zey know how to hospitalityize. Danke, Swissotel.
9. Parisians bring their dogs to the restaurants. At least their dogs don't smoke.
10. The Miró museum on Montjuïc in Barcelona is the world's ultimate art museum. If you like that sort of stuff, that is. And I do.
11. The Picasso museum in Paris is pretty fucking awesome, too.
12. Throw out your guidebooks and see a city by wandering around in it. Either that, or get somebody like me to write your guidebook. Reasonable rates, fast service. Call my agent.
13. European public transit is superior to ours in every conceivable way. Except maybe New York. Their public transit rocks, too.
14. Barcelonins throw the world's best New Year's party. They make drunken frat boys who do beer bongs and belly-flop off of the dorm roof into baby pools of Jell-O look like 15th century Catholic nuns.
15. For some bizarre reason, young Europeans will go to Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's and Starbucks when they have far superior local choices.
16. Like nice hotels and business class, European coffee is the shiz. To be especially puzzled, see #15.
17. Okay, sorry, one more. Smart Cars: the shiz.

I am very happy to be coming home. I miss my friends and my doggies and my job and my bed and my high-tech kitchen. Adios! Auf wiedersehen! Au revoir! See you in five time zones.

Jesus, English married couples argue a lot. I've never heard anything like it.

O Canada!

I'm home!

Did you miss me? Any messages while I was out?

HELL YEAH CANADA SHAKE BABY!

Ding! Good morning. This is your body calling for your 10:30am wake-up call. Why are you sleeping in so late? You never sleep in this late.

Oh, hello, body. What you don't realize is that it is no longer 10:30am. It is now *looks at clock* 4:30am. No sane person in Toronto is awake. Go back to sleep.

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

Okay, body, let's make a compromise. I'll get up now, and you'll let me take the most killer nap this afternoon after boxing.

Stupid body.

I think that everybody should travel. I think it should be required, in fact, for people to have to visit other parts of the world. I think this every time I return from a trip abroad. It gives you a completely different perspective of the world, a window into the way things are outside of your own little kingdom.

I also realize, every time I come back, how cool Toronto is. We have our problems (transit being the main one; what kind of city doesn't have a rail line to the airport or to its second-largest university?) but it's definitely a place worth visiting and a place worth living. Toronto rocks.

- FIN -

< Previous Page